if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
