Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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