You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
