i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
