The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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