I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
