There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize