Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
