I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
