yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
