you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
