I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
only you would photoshop your dick
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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