Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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