I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
