is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
