I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize