i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
