I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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