If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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