the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well I just put wine in my tea
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
false alarm, still single
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