it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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