Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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