You tried to poop in the sink last night.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
