i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
