WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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