DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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