I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize