You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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