drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
