Rock
Scissors
Fuck
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
