K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
