my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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