i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
