We won't sleep together?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize