don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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