Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
