ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
