Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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