1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize