I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
