yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
