i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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