I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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