I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I AM VODKA MAN
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
