What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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