I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
