he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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