its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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