My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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