I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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