I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
