i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
