Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
