She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
