There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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