Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
