Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
