I accidentally burped into my bong.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
