NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
