They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Randomize
