Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You dont lie about slip and slides
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
