Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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