I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
