a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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