Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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